The
darkness of the room filled my skin with fear. "I'm scared of
the dark and now you made me scared of death, how am I supposed
to go to sleep now. Noorah, I thought you promised you'd go
with us on vacation during the summer break."
Impact. Her voice broke and her heart quivered. 'I might be
going on a long trip this year Hanan, but somewhere else. Just
maybe. All of our lives are in Allah's hands and we all belong
to Him.'
My
eyes welled and the tears slipped down both cheeks. I pondered
my sisters grizzly sickness, how the doctors had informed my
father privately that there was not much hope that Noorah was
going to outlive the disease. She wasn't told though. Who hinted
to her? Or was it that she could sense the truth???
'What are you thinking about Hanan?' Her voice was sharp. 'Do
you think I am just saying this because I am sick? Hmm? In fact,
I may live longer than people who are not sick. And you Hanan,
how long are you going to live? Twenty years, maybe? Forty?
Then what?' Through the dark she reached for my hand and squeezed
gently. 'There's no difference between us; we're all going to
leave this world to live in Paradise or agonize in Hell. Listen
to the words of Allah: [Anyone who is pushed away from
the Fire and shown into Jannah will have triumphed.]
I left my sister's room dazed, her words ringing in my ears:
May Allah guide you Hanan - don't forget your prayer.
At
eight O'clock in the morning came a pounding on my door. I don't
usually wake up at this time. There was crying. Confusion. O
Allah, what happened?
Noorahs
condition became critical after Fajr. They took her immediately
to the hospital ... Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un.
There
wasn't going to be any trips this summer. It was written that
I would spend the summer at home.
After an eternity...
It
was one O'clock in the afternoon. Mother phoned the hospital.
'Yes. You can come and see her now', said dad's voice on the
other end. Dad's voice had changed, mother could sense something
had gone deathly wrong. We left immediately.
Where was that avenue I used to travel and thought was so short?
Why was it so long now, so very long. Where was the cherished
crowd and traffic that would give me a chance to gaze left and
right. Everyone, just move out of our way. Mother was shaking
her head in her hands - crying - as she made dua' for her Noorah.
We
arrived at the hospitals main entrance. One man was moaning,
another was involved in an accident and a third's eyes were
iced, you couldn't tell if he was alive or dead. We skipped
stairs to Noorahs floor. She was in intensive care.
The
nurse approached us. 'Let me take you to her.' As we walked
down the aisles the nurse went on expressing how sweet a girl
Noorah was. She reassured Mother somewhat that Noorah's condition
had gotten better than what it was in the morning.
'Sorry.
No more than one visitor at a time.' This was the intensive
care unit. Through the small window in the door and past the
flurry of white robes I caught my sisters eyes. Mother was standing
beside her. After two minutes, mother came out unable to control
her crying.
'You
may enter and say Salam to her on condition that you do not
speak too long,' mum told me. 'Two minutes should be enough.'
"How
are you Noorah? You were fine last night sister, what happened?"
We
held hands, she squeezed harmlessly. 'Even now, Alhamdulillah,
I'm doing fine.'
"Alhamdulillah
... but ... your hands are so cold", I said.
I
sat on her bedside and rested my fingers on her knee. She jerked
it away. "Sorry ... did I hurt you?" I asked.